Some days, the hardest part of chasing a dream isn’t the work itself—it’s finding the strength to show up in the first place. Showing up when you don’t feel like it isn’t about discipline or motivation—it’s about proving to yourself that you’re stronger than the excuses.
When Everything in You Says “No”
Take a recent Tuesday, for example. I had to make myself presentable, head to what will soon be my placement, introduce myself, and dig up some information the school hadn’t provided.
I did not want to do this. My head was screaming, my emotions were throwing a tantrum like a toddler, and the “what ifs” were swirling. The negativity was as thick as walking against the tide.
But then something odd—something I’ve come to rely on—kicked in. It’s a kind of autopilot. A pulling-up-the-big-girl-panties moment. I’m sure you’ve had it happen too: you just go, do your part, and let things unfold.
The Power of Just Showing Up
That’s exactly what I did. Truthfully, I owe a lot to my knitting friend who chattered away during the drive, keeping me from spiraling. When I arrived, I spoke with a woman—someone who hadn’t even been given my name but had already told the school she was interested. That conversation cleared a lot up.
Just showing up pushed the ball forward.
And that’s what fascinates me: how often I surprise myself when I simply do the thing I’ve been dreading. Momentum only comes after you take the first step.
The Weight We Carry
But let’s be real—it’s not always easy. My brain loves to get tangled in assumptions: how people will react, what the atmosphere will feel like, what others will say. Those thoughts alone can drive me right around the bend.
And then the insecurities creep in:
• What if the other women don’t like me because I’m new?
• What if they notice I write down too many notes?
• What if they judge my stretched ears, my hair, or—mainly—my size?
That’s when old family comments resurface, the ones about weight and appearance, and how much I wished resources, books, and communities I’ve since found existed when I was younger. Maybe then I wouldn’t have carried so much anger toward food and cooking. Maybe other little girls could’ve avoided that shame.
It’s a heavy history—but it’s mine to keep moving through.
Pushing Forward Anyway
Still, I push through. Especially since my husband hasn’t been around, I’ve found a fierceness I didn’t know I had—the stubborn will to keep chasing things that scare me.
Honestly, the thought of becoming a medical office administrator at this business terrifies me. I don’t feel as confident in everything I’ve learned as I’d like. But just like family gatherings, I’ll bring some knitting, whisper a few prayers, pull up the panties, and plow forward.
Because maybe that’s the whole secret: you don’t have to love every step, you just have to keep taking them.
Finding What to Love
I like where I’m going, even if I don’t love every moment. That bugs me, sure, but I’ve realized no one loves everything they do. What matters is surrounding myself with enough of the things I do love.
So no more worrying about what others say or think. If I enjoy something, I’m going to do it.
I’ll take the job, show up, contribute, and make my mark in this wild, messy life.
I’ll pack my bag, give my cat some love, say a quick prayer, and step forward—again and again.
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