Went to “Nourish” with BB & BG tonight after co-op, and while the information was very good, I definitely had a moment of intense learning. As PQ texted a few moments ago, “With BB, most of her advice is expensive”—and boy, did I notice that truth today. I mean, I don’t have cash lying around to drop on a slew of healthy supplements that would be so good for my system and go a long way to improving this meat sack I’m currently inhabiting.
With this recent diagnosis of “moderate arthritis” in my left knee, the doctor’s predictable advice to lose weight, and my general feelings about my mid-section, I know I must do something now. As they say in my favorite movie: It’s time to shit or get off the pot.
Push Buttons and Pushing Product
The information session really stirred the pot for me, hitting buttons that lead straight to anger and frustration. The speaker genuinely walks the walk (as does BB, to an extent) but seems to have absolutely no concept of people living on a fixed income who simply cannot afford the merchandise they were pushing and being supported by.
Both BB & PQ have said it: start small. PQ wisely suggests, “Instead of trying to make this big change while you’re already stressed with work, pick one small thing you can change and just focus on that. Don’t stress yourself out more with rules you put on yourself. I know losing weight would be beneficial for your knee, but let it be a work in progress, a journey, not a full, automatic reversal of all your habits. You’re gonna give yourself a breakdown.“
So, with that excellent advice in mind, I need to put some real effort into cooking for myself. I have air fryer recipes saved on Facebook—for ages now—it’s time to make a list and get what I need for those meals. Easier said than done when you’ve got $20 in the bank, five days left, and a freezer half full of easy-to-cook processed food waiting to be eaten.
Co-op Chaos and Captive Thoughts
At co-op, I know I can’t be expected to know how to do something right away when I’ve never learn how in the first place. I still get this intense feeling of wanting to master whatever’s being shown to me instantly. In the meantime, I’m trying to keep my mouth shut, be present, and learn everything I can about being professional in a surgical admin office, all while staying out of the way of the paid staff.
I was shown how to process referrals this afternoon, and I was really struggling to grasp it while the assistant office manager, AD, was just whizzing through the steps and I was fumbling to jot things down. I’ve never liked someone standing behind me while I’m at the computer, and that’s exactly how my afternoon ended. AD was talking with another person and standing by my station, just in case I needed her, while I processed the rest of the faxes. As if I’m going to interrupt her very informal but clearly intense talk with outside tech support! Of course, I jumped at the chance to sit at my wobbly desk, reading over procedures and how-to guides for answering the phone. I am mortified and highly frustrated with having these intense reactions, these feelings that there’s no time in the moment to ‘take my thoughts captive’ every few seconds.
The Working-Hours Whine (My Own)
And since last Friday they didn’t have work for me (and I very much needed to rest my leg, to be fair), they told me not to come in. So there goes five hours I have to make up, which is what I’ve been doing for the past two days. BB made an off-hand comment that I was “complaining about working five hours.”
Yes, I flipping know that most people work eight hours or more. But considering what I’ve been doing all these years and my lack of job experience, the change of having to both mentally and physically adjust to working 10–3 and then 10–4 is a significant shift for me. I need to change my thinking—and yes, that’s not for everyone, but that’s how I am! Today, I was in the office from 9:40 to 4:03, and likely tomorrow and Monday as well. Then Tuesday, it’s back to the 3 p.m. finish. So excuse me if you’re having a problem with me sharing that I’m having a problem changing what I’m used to!
That’s been my day, my thoughts. And I even yelled at my cat Luna for asking for pets with claws. Going to that info session might have just been too much for me to do in one day. I’m very much not used to all this needing to perform and function!
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